Don’t you love the season of fall, with all those pretty, colorful leaves on the trees? And then the leaves fall (is this why we call it “fall”?) and they are still pretty for a while, all scattered on the ground. But then, eventually, they get all brown and rotted and slowly suffocate the grass underneath or make the sidewalk dangerously slippery. Such a bummer. So you sigh and you go get your rake and your trash bags and gather them all up. But that’s so much work, ya know? Ugh.
My friends, fret not. There is a better way. Go to your garage right now, grab that rake, and throw it away. Right now. Do it! Then take your car (you’ll want the Land Rover, not the Prius), drive to a nearby farm, and rustle* yourself up some cows. Bring those cows home to your yard and then watch in amazement as your bovine friends do the work of cleaning up all those leaves while you sit back and sip a gingerbread latte. Cows love leaves. You will have happy cows and a clean yard. Win win.
Think of all the extra time you’ll have for doing fall-like activities now that you won’t have to rake leaves. And when the cows are done eating the leaves, you can let the kids go on cow rides and stuff. I’m pretty sure cows love having small children ride on their backs only slightly less than they love eating leaves.**
*So, according to Wikipedia, “rustling” is the same as “stealing.” I don’t think you should steal cows. Or anything really. Do not steal! Maybe, instead, you could ask a farmer to borrow his/her cows for a couple of days. Or maybe you could find some orphan cows who need a good home.
**There is a teeeeeny tiny chance that this could be a dangerous activity. I don’t really know. I’m actually not a cow expert and you probably shouldn’t ever listen to anything I have to say about them. Or anything else, for that matter. Let’s face it, most of time I’m just talking nonsense. Blahblahhotairhotairblahblah. There it is. Cards on the table. I’m sorry if you are only just now realizing this truth. If so, you must feel so bad. Up is now down, day is now night. It’s like that time when I was thirteen years old and found out Santa Claus wasn’t real. Gosh, I’m so sorry! Anyhoo, if you do decide to let your kids ride on your cow, please don’t leave them unattended.